“I did it secretly…” Kanika Mann on why middle-class parents hate extracurriculars and getting “too much attention” is seen as a red flag

For some parents, school activities outside academics can feel like a distraction rather than an opportunity. Dance competitions, debates, music, theatre or even standing on a stage may raise concerns that a child will lose focus from studies or become too comfortable with attention. TV actor Kanika Mann recently spoke about growing up with similar restrictions in a conversation on a podcast with Hauterrfly. She recalled that her parents were particularly against her participating in extracurricular activities because they feared she would get distracted from academics and begin enjoying the attention that came with performing on stage.“When you say your father was strict, how much restriction was there? Did you have a fixed time by which you had to return home?” the interviewer asked. Kanika said staying out was never really an issue for her because she preferred being at home. “I did not really have a problem with the timing because I was never someone who stayed out a lot. I have always been someone who stayed at home.” The restrictions she struggled with were different. “The restrictions I had a problem with were things like not being allowed to participate in extracurricular activities at school. They used to think that I would get distracted and that my attention would move away from studies.”

“They thought that maybe I would start liking the attention…”

Kanika’s parents were also concerned about the attention she received while performing. “They also thought that maybe I would start liking the attention I got when I was on stage. Of course, it is not that kind of attention at that level. But when you stand on stage during your school assembly, you do get a little attention. And your stage fear also reduces when you keep doing it.” “They were afraid that I might start liking that. They had a problem with the stage itself. They had a problem with the attention, thinking that if I got that attention, it might go to my head,” she recalled.

When academic success becomes the main priority

Kanika said academics were not something she neglected. In fact, studying had been a major part of her childhood. “I used to love studying. Since childhood, I had mostly studied. I was not doing anything else. I really liked studying and I used to top my class. My goal every year was to come first in class,” she said. At the same time, she did not know that she wanted to become an actor or work in music videos. “I never had clarity that I wanted to do music videos or become an actor. But I thought, ‘I can try this too. Why not?’” That decision meant going against rules she had grown up with. She said she sometimes took part in debates and dance competitions without telling her parents because those activities were not allowed either. “Sometimes I even participated in debates without telling my parents. Those were not allowed either. I participated in debates and dance competitions without telling them,” Kanika said. “I did it secretly. I did not tell them.”

The school prizes that gave her parents a surprise

One incident eventually revealed just how many activities Kanika had been taking part in. She recalled being in eighth standard when her school held its annual function. In some competitions at the time, children did not always receive trophies. Sometimes the prizes were simple things such as tiffin boxes. “I do not know if you remember this from your school days, but in some competitions, instead of trophies, they used to give tiffin boxes as prizes,” she said. Her school also gave such small prizes. During one annual function, several girls returned home carrying tiffin boxes. “One year, during the annual function, so many girls were coming home with tiffin boxes. My parents could not understand what all of this was,” Kanika recalled.Her parents knew about her academic performance. “They only knew that I had won a trophy for coming first in class. They did not know about the other things.” Eventually, they discovered that she had been participating in several competitions without telling them. “Then they found out that I had been participating in all these competitions. Their reaction was basically, ‘Oh, she has been doing all this?’ But they were happy because they realised that I had not done anything wrong.”

She says being the eldest made her more stubborn

Kanika also connected her willingness to push against these restrictions to her position in the family. She is the eldest of three siblings. When asked how she eventually broke out of that environment, she said, “I became stubborn.” “I think that happened because I am the eldest of three siblings. I am the oldest. There was no one above me who could fight for me or take these things away for me. So I had to do it myself.” She said her younger siblings did not face the same restrictions later. Her decision to enter music videos was another point of disagreement at home. “They were very much against it when I started doing music videos,” she said.Her experience highlights a tension that can exist in families where academic performance is given a clear priority: a child may be doing well in studies while also wanting to explore activities that have nothing to do with marks.

What parents can do when a child wants to try something outside academics

Kanika’s experience also raises a practical question for parents: what happens when a child who is doing well in studies wants to try something else? A simple approach is to avoid making the choice an either-or situation. If a child wants to join a dance competition, debate, sport or theatre activity, parents can first look at how much time it will take and whether the child is continuing to meet their existing academic responsibilities. It can also help to ask the child what they actually enjoy about the activity. Wanting to perform on stage does not automatically mean a child is seeking attention at the cost of studies. For some children, repeated participation may simply make them more comfortable speaking, performing or being around other people.Parents can set clear limits around time, schoolwork and commitments while still allowing the child to try something new. That gives the child a chance to show that academics and extracurricular activities can exist together rather than treating one as a threat to the other.